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Do yogis have better sex?

“In one word, yes. Breath control, flexibility, and ability to be present can certainly help yogis be better lovers. Tantra yoga itself is a path to increase sexual energy, which is not just the energy of passion, but also the energy of creativity and the animating life force that keeps us young and vital. But, just through breathing at the right time, all yogis can take an ordinary orgasm, add Pranayama and quadruple its length, power and ability to awaken the brain and upper chakras. So, absolutely, yogis can make better lovers and tantra yogis can become masters of the art of love.”

Charles Muir, Founder of the Source School of Tantra Yoga, pioneer of conscious sexuality and yoga teacher since 1967

 

What Is Conscious Sexuality? | Huff Post Women, The Blog,  Brandy Engler 11/16/15

There are articles about sex all over the web — with evermore provocative titles attempting to get you to click and like. Most headlines know how to captivate: they lure us in by promising to reveal what women want or how to get a guy to fall in love. There are also heaps of material about the mechanics and biology of sex: hormones, orgasms, positions. Then, there are the evolutionary theorists explaining that men philander to spread their seed and that they prefer women with a .07 hip to waist ratio because they’re fertile. However, in all of the facts and figures about sex, we miss something.

Introspection.

We’ve forgotten that sex has meaning.

Sex doesn’t have a uniform significance for all or even for one across encounters and partners. It’s an existentially amorphous act. Beyond the imperative to procreate, sex has no inherent meaning. We construct the meaning. This is what makes it interesting. It’s fluid, and as we change, so does the allegory of our sex.

Sex isn’t just a biological act. It’s a social act. People are constantly playing roles and sexual preferences aren’t inborn, they’re scripts that serve a purpose. It’s a constant expression and ongoing exploration of who we are.

Sex is also a deeply personal act, full of unmeasured idiosyncrasies. Mass-scale research on the demographics of sex promotes broad generalizations about men and women and doesn’t capture the nuances that I observe talking to people in my private practice. I always have my patients describe their last encounter in detail: not just their moves, but their internal dialogue and fantasy. Sex is like a Rorschach test. We project parts of ourselves onto it: longings, trauma, feelings, and hidden parts of self not expressed in our everyday life. What turns you on right now tells a story about you, both about your history and who you are in the process of becoming.

My recent book The Men on my Couch — a look at what men reveal in psychotherapy and what their behavior really means — is full of examples.

Take Mark. Feeling trapped by his sycophantic office life, he played the Dom at S&M clubs, trying to whip his way back to a sense of authority. Take Bill, who tucked his kids each night only to go running for the nearest escort, not seeking sex itself so much as the thrill of transgression, played out against a life he found morally and creatively confining. Or take David, a man who so deeply in need of validation that he compulsively collected phone numbers at bars, even after he started dating the “woman of his dreams.”

The story is never the same. When a client comes in to talk — whether it be about a pornography compulsion or cheating on his wife with prostitutes — I never judge. Instead, I get curious. I wonder what he needs to feel, who he wants to be.

Whether it be the recent New York Times feature on college campus hook-ups or the headlines about straying politicians, none of it is mindless romping. I assure you, it all has meaning. One thing that has become clear to me in the practice of talking to people is that sex is rarely just sex.

In her book Self Analysis (1942), psychologist Karen Horney, a contemporary of Freud and one of the first to look at the social aspect of sex, described ten neurotic needs that motivate most interpersonal expression. When applied to sexuality, these needs can help explain everything from who we choose to sleep with and how many partners we want, to our capacity for fidelity and what turns us on. Here’s the list:

1. The Neurotic Need for Affection And Approval
2. The Neurotic Need for a Partner Who Will Take Over One’s Life 3. The Neurotic Need to Restrict One’s Life Within Narrow Borders 4. The Neurotic Need for Power
5. The Neurotic Need to Exploit Others
6. The Neurotic Need for Prestige
7. The Neurotic Need For Personal Achievement
8. The Neurotic Need for Self-Sufficiency and Independence
9. The Neurotic Need for Perfection and Unassailability

These needs aren’t pathological — we all possess them. Karen Horney observed that the need becomes neurotic when it forms into a myopic focus and a requirement for getting off. Psychology infiltrates sex — whether we want it to or not.

This isn’t about judgment, and of course not all cases of sublimated eroticism are unhealthy or destructive. We can use sex to celebrate emotions, even our very natural sadistic and masochistic impulses. This is erotic intelligence, not moral delineations of healthy or unhealthy sex. In order to overcome sexual repression, there was a movement to unconditional acceptance of all sexual preferences, but those of us working with sexual dysfunction know that the sexual life must be examined.

The new post-repression shift is toward conscious sexuality; an intelligent, reflective sexuality. Rather than blind rejection or acceptance; there are questions. What do I want sex to mean? How can I use sex to grow? To express myself? To be more adventurous? Less fearful? More lustful? More loving? How do I want to connect with this person?

These questions are hard to quantify and won’t be the subject of the next headline grabbing study, but they do represent the truth of the state of modern sexual exploration. A sexuality that is more than the sum of its hormones, orgasms and positions. One that is social, emotional and constantly evolving.

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Introduction to Kundalini: The Yoga of Awareness
James McCrae

HuffPost April 1, 2015

What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word “yoga”?

Stretching? Juice bars? Pseudo-Eastern spirituality? Tight pants on skinny girls pre-brunch? Yoga today is an urban trend, growing quickly in popularity since the turn of the 21st Century. The irony of yoga’s “now” status as a popular workout is that the practice is among the oldest rituals known to man. Today’s polished yoga centers and Bikram studios are only the latest incarnation of a tradition that has adapted to fit changing cultures for thousands of years. Nations have risen and fallen. Religions have come and gone. The apple of ideas has passed from Eve to Newton to Jobs. But yoga, in some form or another, has remained.

Nobody knows for certain how long yoga has been around. But as far back as our records indicate, archeologists have discovered evidence of yoga as both a physical and spiritual practice. Among the oldest records are engravings of yogi-like figures dating over 5,000 years ago from the most thriving cities of the era, Mohenjo Daro and Harappa, in the Indus Valley Civilization (present day India, Pakistan, Afghanistan and Iran). The development of yoga runs parallel with the rise of Eastern spirituality, and – prior to the centralized political power of religion we see today – was considered a method of direct connection with the divine. The spirit-body connection is the foundation of yoga (the word “yoga” itself is the Sanskrit word for “union”), and it remains the longest lasting spiritual practice in operation today. But, I mean, juice bars are cool too.

“Here is the greatest of altars, the living, conscious human body, and to worship at this altar is far higher than the worship of any dead symbols.” – Swami Vivekananda
What exactly is Kundalini Yoga?

Yoga has dozens of variations in philosophy and style. Some yogas (like Bikram) are structured as a physical workout. Others (like Jivamukti) put an emphasis on meditation. Kundalini Yoga is little of both, but with an added emphasis on consciousness that activates energy centers throughout the body. Kundalini class can be a good workout, but its teachers and students (often wearing white turbans) participate in each kriya with a quiet reverence more akin to a temple than a gym. If you like your physical exercise to come with a side of spiritual enlightenment, Kundalini Yoga might be for you.

“The primary objective [of Kundalini] is to awaken the full potential of human awareness in each individual; that is, recognize our awareness, refine that awareness, and expand that awareness to our unlimited Self. Clear any inner duality, create the power to deeply listen, cultivate inner stillness, and prosper and deliver excellence in all that we do.” -Kundalini Research Institute
A brief history of Kundalini Yoga

Kundalini is known as a niche form of yoga that is growing in popularity in pockets of New York City and Los Angeles. But Kundalini, perhaps more than any other yoga, has a long and fascinating history. There is no philosophy (physical or otherwise) that has been more durable than Kundalini Yoga. Unlike most ancient religious philosophies, Kundalini does not hold onto any strict rules or dogmas. The pure nature of Kundalini has allowed each generation for thousands of years to find personal meaning in the practice. The objective is decentralized and selfless – help people actualize their Higher Self. Kundalini does not claim to be the way; it is simply a way, one tool on each individual’s journey to personal discovery. Going to a class today feels so fresh, relevant and forward thinking, you would think it was a hybrid Eastern-Western concept developed specifically for the 21st Century.

“Kundalini” is an ancient Sanskrit word that literally means “coiled snake.” In early Eastern religion (long before Buddhism and Hinduism) it was believed that each individual possessed a divine energy at the base of the spine. This energy was thought to be the sacred energy of creation. This energy is something we are born with, but we must make an effort to “uncoil the snake,” thereby putting us in direct contact with the divine. Kundalini Yoga is the practice of awakening our Higher Self and turning potential energy into kinetic energy.

Today’s Western definition of yoga is limiting, describing a specific type of exercise. But to the ancients, yoga was a sacred spirit-body connection. Their goal was not fitness. It was direct connection with Brahman, the God-like spirit within us. No religious buffer between man and God was considered necessary. Just practice. Of the many yogas that developed over the past 5,000 years, Kundalini was considered the most sacred.

The exact origin of Kundalini Yoga is unknown, but the earliest known mention dates to the sacred Vedic collection of writings known as the Upanishads (c. 1,000 B.C. – 500 B.C.). Historical records indicate that Kundalini was a science of energy and spiritual philosophy before the physical practice was developed. The word “upanishads” literally translates to “sitting down to hear the teachings of the master.” The first Kundalini classes were just that. Masters sat down with students and gave oral recitation of spiritual visions. This was a popular practice in ancient Vedic society (and would be replicated centuries later by a couple guys named Buddha and Jesus). Over time, the body science of Kundalini Yoga was developed as a physical expression of the Upanishad visions. From its origin, Kundalini Yoga was not taught publicly. It was treated as an advanced education. Students were required to go through several years of initiation before they were prepared to learn the spirit-body lessons of the Kundalini masters.

For thousands of years, the science of Kundalini was kept hidden, passed on in secret from master to a chosen disciple who was considered worthy. Teaching Kundalini outside the secret society of Indian yoga elite was unheard of. The public was not prepared, it was believed, to access such powerful knowledge. Kundalini was veiled in secrecy until one morning when a holy Sikh rebel named Yogi Bhajan wrapped a white turban around his head and took a one-way flight from Punjab, India to Toronto, Canada in 1968.

Yogi Bhajan

In Western Kundalini, Yogi Bhajan is like the American Blues, the point from which everything else derives. Without him, it’s no stretch to assume that Kundalini Yoga would still be unknown in the United States. While visiting California in the late 1960’s, Yogi Bhajan witnessed the hippie cultural revolution, many of whose principles he recognized from his own Sikh upbringing. He observed two things. #1) As evidenced by their search for expanded consciousness, young people in America were longing to experience God. #2) Aided by drugs and half-baked mysticism, they were going about it all wrong.

Yogi Bhajan knew that teaching Kundalini Yoga outside the sacred Indian lineage was forbidden. But during a meditation on a weekend trip to Los Angeles in 1968, he had a vision of a new spirituality that combined ancient knowledge with modern practicality. He awoke from the meditation with inspiration. He would teach Kundalini to the west, proclaiming, “It is everyone’s birthright to be healthy, happy, and holy, and the practice of Kundalini Yoga is the way to claim that birthright.” His weekend visit to Los Angeles turned into a permanent residency. Within the next two years he would establish the 3HO (Healthy, Happy, Holy Organization) Foundation and the Kundalini Research Institute. He was just getting started.

Yogi Bhajan taught over 8,000 Kundalini Yoga classes. He established the first teacher training program in 1969 and personally trained thousands of yogis and future teachers. Several of his students, including Gurmukh Kaur, went on to launch their own yoga studios, and many Kundalini classes around the world today are taught by yogis who trained directly under him.

Yogi Bhajan’s influence extends beyond yoga. He wrote a handful of books, established International Peace Prayer Day and worked with several international governments on projects to bring peace and mindfulness to world affairs. Yogi Bhajan believed we each have a responsibility to better society through mindfulness and compassion, and he dedicated his life to making his vision of practical spirituality a reality. After his death, the U.S. Congress passed a bipartisan resolution honoring his contributions to the world.

“Kundalini Yoga is the science to unite the finite with Infinity.” -Yogi Bhajan
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Kundalini philosophy: The yoga of awareness

To understand the philosophy behind Kundalini Yoga, let’s follow the trail to the first historical texts to mention it by name – the Upanishads. Written by several unknown authors over the course of 500 years (between 1,000 and 500 B.C.), the Upanishads (similar to the Vedic literary scriptures) are a collection of oral teachings on the spiritual nature of reality.

The Upanishads, originally passed from masters to students following deep meditative visions, are square one for Eastern spirituality. The central concepts of Hinduism, Buddhism and other traditions trace their origin to the Upanishads. So does Kundalini.

As the “yoga of awareness,” the philosophical purpose of Kundalini is to awaken your Higher Self. Each individual, it is believed, is an energy center for Brahman (God-like creative consciousness). By using the scientific methods developed by Kundalini masters over thousands of years, we are able to disconnect from the worldly Ego and connect directly with Universal Brahman.

Wait. How can a physical exercise connect me with, for lack of a better word… God?

In the tradition of Kundalini Yoga, God is not a personified deity in the sky. Not even close. The essence of God is the same essence of us. God is creative consciousness, the energy from which all things flow, including ourselves. We can access Brahman because it is already part of us. In other words, we are each individual expressions of the same collective energy. Kundalini is the method to shake off our false Ego narrative of separation and experience the true nature of our existence. Not bad for a little stretching, right?

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” -Carl Jung, author of The Psychology of Kundalini Yoga
Top 5 practical reasons to do Kundalini Yoga

“Okay cool,” you’re probably thinking. “This ancient and divine stuff sounds far out. But how will Kundalini Yoga benefit my life?” Fair question. For starters, it’s a great workout. The meditations included in each class are also great. But the health benefits of Kundalini are an added bonus. Here are a few other reasons to practice…

1) Expanding your presence expands your life.

Kundalini’s connection to your core energy allows you to approach each day with a strong sense of individual truth. This presence is obvious to those around you and will result in new opportunities and an expanded reality.

2) Instant inspiration.

I walk away from each class with a clarity of mind that breaks through old mental patterns and inspires new ideas.

3) Having a community keeps you in check.

Most of us spend part of our day around negative people who drag us down. Regular contact with a positive community on a spiritual path will lift you up and remind you what is important.

4) Magic happens outside your comfort zone.

Kundalini Yoga is full of surprises. You might be stretching one day and screaming the next. The spontaneous nature of each class keeps you light on your feet and ready for anything.

5) Everyone is a teacher (yes, even you).

Yogi Bhajan said that he did not teach Kundalini to attain disciples. He taught in order to train new teachers. Kundalini reminds us that we each have an important message to share with the world. By finding your voice, and having the courage to share it, you will transform your life and the lives of those around you.

Kundalini techniques

Stretching, breathing, jumping, running, dancing, yelling, chanting, meditating. Any given Kundalini kriya contains a variety of activities. A typical class is focused on control of breath,expansion of energy and alignment of the chakras.

The typical class is 60-90 minutes, structured as follows:

5-10 minute warm-up (often including spiritual teachings from the instructor)
30-45 minute kriya (the workout itself)
5-15 minute Savasana relaxation (try not to fall asleep)
11-31 minute meditation (this could include mantras or hand mudras)
According to 3HO, the following guidelines should be followed during each Kundalini Yoga class:

Tune-in with the Adi Mantra: Chant Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo three times before beginning any warm-ups, kriyas, or meditation.
Kundalini Yoga is the yoga of awareness. Listen to your body; do what works for you.
Challenge yourself to extend just past whatever you think your limits are. For instance, if you think you can only do one minute of an exercise, then try for one minute and ten seconds.
Follow the directions! Keep the order and type of posture. Do not exceed the stated times. If you wish to shorten an exercise, shorten all exercises in the kriya proportionally (i.e., cut all times in half or quarter).
In a class, feel free to ask for clarification on an exercise or other aspects of the practice.
Drink water as needed between exercises.

“May the long time sun
Shine upon you,
All love surround you,
And the pure light within you
Guide your way on.”
– Kundalini Yoga farewell blessing
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He said, “People need to learn more pleasure tolerance.”

I said, “What, what do you mean by that?”

He said, “People come here, they have all this pain, they think they want to learn to do things the right way and they give up pain and suffering and talk about their problems.” He said, “That’s not how people really learn, they learn by learning how to feel good. By learning to give up their guilt and suffering and pain, not by working hard at it, but by learning how to feel good.”

I said, “Well, how do you do that?”

“Through touch, through being touched, through the eyes, the hands, through rhythm, through sound, through music and through play.”

from The Yogi Bhajan Library of Teachings
July 10, 1992 KWTC lecture

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Why Staying In Dating Purgatory Is Ruining Our Shot At Real Love, Erica Gordon, Elite Daily 5/11/15

Dating purgatory isn’t where you want to be if you’re in search of something real.

Yet, it’s where a lot of us end up.

We also voluntarily remain in dating purgatory, no matter how awful it is, by condoning non-relationships, even though we actually want the real deal.

Our generation has accepted dating purgatory as the norm; it’s what we settle for instead of pursuing something real.

So, when exactly are we in dating purgatory? It’s whenever we have one foot out the door instead of taking a risk and jumping into a relationship with both feet. It’s whenever we keep dating someone who wants nothing serious, even though we do.

It’s whenever we keep using Tinder because we’re not fully satisfied with the person we’re dating. It’s when we’re not all in.

It’s whenever we date the “filler” guy or the “filler” girl, knowing he or she is not the one, and thinking we can do better.

It’s all those times we dated people never knowing where we stood or whether or not he or she was seeing anyone else.

It’s all those times we were in a relationship that had no label, or it’s anytime we found ourselves in an almost-relationship.

Dating purgatory is something Generation-Y has mastered, and that’s not a good thing. It’s no wonder we’re the hopeless non-romantic generation.

Deep down, we all want the real thing; we all want to find love.

We all want a supportive partner who can motivate us to aim higher, who cares deeply for us and who we can take to family events.

We all want it, and yet, we aren’t willing to do what it takes to have it.

Here are the many reasons why consistently remaining in dating purgatory is ruining our shot at the real deal:

We’re losing our “stickiness.”

I’d like to compare the serial daters of our generation to a big group of once-sticky stickers.

When we’re new, we can stick onto anything, form a strong connection and happily stay put.

However, every time we get stuck in dating purgatory by dating someone who just isn’t all in, we lose our stickiness.

Every time we participate in the hook-up culture and have casual sex, we lose more of our stickiness.

We (the stickers) get less sticky every time we engage in meaningless relationships that are going nowhere.

We get less sticky due to constantly being attached then unattached, again and again.

The problem with losing your stickiness is that each time you attempt to stick onto someone new, it gets easier and easier to pull away.

Just like a sticker that’s gotten old, we don’t form as strong connections as we once did. It becomes easier to not get attached and to unlatch ourselves emotionally.

It becomes practice to not have a real connection.

It becomes the trend to keep our mouths shut, rather than asking the other person where we stand.

Then, one day, when you find someone you just might want to stick with, you’ll wish you had met him or her back when you were less jaded and a lot stickier.

We’re in denial about what the real deal looks like.

What does the real deal look like? The real deal involves self-sacrifice. It’s giving up other options. It’s not talking to girls or guys on Tinder anymore.

It’s when you jump in with both feet and give what you’ve got a real shot. It’s when your only FOMO is the fear of losing what you have with that person.

The real deal is when you go to that event with your significant other, even though you don’t really want to go.

It’s when you’ll do anything to make your man or woman happy. It’s when you tell each other you only want each other and you don’t want the other to see anyone else.

It’s when you lock that sh*t down. It’s when you know exactly where you stand with each other.

If it’s the real deal, you’re not still looking because you know what you’ve found is unbeatable.

You’d never want to risk losing it by continuing to shop around and getting caught.

We need to start focusing on the benefits of being in a relationship, rather than mulling over the drawbacks or worrying about the sacrifices.

It requires bravery to decide you want to be committed to someone. Even if you really like this person, you’re still worried it won’t work out.

And if it doesn’t, you’ll wish you had something on the back burner; you’ll wish you hadn’t told that side-chick it’s over.

But for any chance at the real deal, you’ll have to cut ties with everyone you’ve left dangling.

We’ve gotten used to not being anyone’s priority.

We’re used to being an option rather than a priority. Some of us have never experienced what it feels like to be someone’s priority or someone’s everything.

Our generation is missing out on that feeling. We’re missing out on love.

We’re letting these undeserving people take up all of our emotional real estate with their guessing games and their bullshit.

We’re either letting them block the real deal from finding us, or we’re blocking ourselves from letting them be the real deal.

We’re not resisting mediocrity.

Our generation needs to be more resistant to mediocrity. Dating purgatory is mediocre, especially if what you desire is something real and someone who is all in.

Perhaps you stay in a non-relationship and never question what it is out of fear that the moment you ask any questions about what you are or where you stand, you’ll scare that fragile pseudo-relationship away.

You’re aware that the relationship you’re in is not stable, and you’re afraid if you so much as blow on it, it’ll be gone.

That’s why you tiptoe around the issue of “What are we?” and dance around the question of “What do you want this to be?”

We shouldn’t settle for anyone unless they step it up. If someone’s not all in and wants to keep one foot out the door, they obviously don’t adore you. If they did, it would look a lot different than dating purgatory.

We deserve better than dating purgatory, but the question is, why aren’t we acting like we deserve better? Why aren’t we demanding better?

We should all stay single until we find someone who is 100 percent in it with us and who we want to be 100 percent in it with.

You can have no more pseudo-relationships if what you want is a real one.

When it comes to finding love, you can’t fake it until you make it. You can’t fake it at all.

 

 

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Ask 3HO: Kundalini Yoga and the LGBT Community

Ask your questions about the 3HO lifestyle and your Kundalini Yoga practice. Sewa Singh, our senior 3HO lifestyle advisor, responds to your questions with compassion, insight, and deep understanding of the teachings of Yogi Bhajan. Send your questions here.

Question:

Sat Nam,

The kriyas are often very specific with precise instructions for men and different instructions for women. There is an increased awareness and presence of trans-gendered people in our community. Yogi Bhajan often spoke directly and specifically to an audience of strictly women or strictly men emphasizing how the polarity between the two genders was so different.

How would his teachings apply to a trans-gendered person? In particular, I would not want to offend anyone who came to my class nor do I want to misguide them regarding issues of gender as it relates to this yoga. Any insight you care to share would be valuable.

Thank you.

Harjas

Response:

Dear Harjas,

Thank you so much for your timely and important question.

You said, “Yogi Bhajan often spoke directly and specifically to an audience of strictly women or strictly men emphasizing how the polarity between the two genders was so different.” I am not sure whether you mean that his audience identified themselves strictly as men or strictly as women, or whether you mean that he spoke to people as if he only identified people as strictly men or strictly women.

In my personal experience neither is true. The audience has always been widely varied and he always spoke with a deep understanding of the huge variation in human experience. What has changed since his passing is how open individuals are about their sexual identities and an accompanying wider social acceptance of that openness.

His clarity and strength about the differences between female and male energy was not intended in any way to belittle those who do not define themselves firmly on either end of the spectrum. If anything, the effect of becoming more explicitly and more subtly aware of the nature of these various qualities should empower those who find themselves somewhere between the two extremes. A person whose experience of their sexuality is limited to physical, social, intellectual and emotional levels is at a great disadvantage compared to one who has the additional energetic/auric experience to relate to.

Yogi Bhajan’s life-long mission was to empower people to become more aware of the universality of their own identities and free themselves from suffering. Along the way he challenged all of our weaknesses and insecurities so that we could face them and overcome them. Almost every meditation and kriya, if done properly, will challenge us at many levels. He often said that Kundalini Yoga was not for everyone. I have found that those that it does not work for are those who do not want to be challenged in this way.

He did not limit his challenges to us by what was fashionable or politically correct. If you explain the energetic principals that he taught without judgment, and people still take offense, then maybe this is the challenge that they need to progress. Sometimes we project our own negativity or intellectual/emotional issues on a neutral presentation of information, and this likely indicates that we have something to work on to become liberated from attachment and suffering.

A parallel example might be the yogic technology regarding human hair. The information is pretty simple and direct. Hair has a subtle function; tune into this subtlety and it is best for your well-being to take care of it and not remove it. The information is not meant to shame people who have hair loss, lots of hair, curly or straight hair, or to belittle those who choose to remove or alter their hair. It is just information to use as you wish, or not.

If someone were disturbed by this information, it would suggest that some past injury or insecurity might be at the root of their discomfort. Otherwise, a person who is secure and self-aware will neutrally consider the information, choose to relate to it or not and move on. No offense will be taken no matter what the state of their own hair.

Consider White Tantric Yoga® which utilizes female and male energy, but there is no judgment regarding who is sitting in the “female” line or the “male” line. Monitors will sit in either line when needed regardless of their gender and any variety of pairs are welcome to sit as they like. White Tantric Yoga® is based on the energetics of polarity, but the technology is not limited to heterosexual beings.

The yogic teachings regarding moon and sun energies are not in any way limited to human behavior, communication, sexuality or sexual identity. For example, perceiving these energies as they are expressed in the natural world through color, sound, shape, taste, smell, movement, etc. can deepen our appreciation of the profound beauty that surrounds us. A deep understanding of what is feminine and what is masculine actually fosters the infinite variations and gradations that can be found in every great work of art, design and music.

You specifically asked how Yogiji’s teachings regarding male and female polarity apply to trans-gendered people. In my experience everything he taught on the subject of polarities is appropriate and empowering to all people. These teachings have the potential to provide insight and more importantly, direct personal experience to those who relate to them. Having a deeper experience of one’s self is valuable to all who are open.

Yogiji also taught extensively about duality and how much suffering arises out of it. Polarity and duality must not be confused. Duality exists when there is little self-awareness and polar parts of one’s self are in conflict. When we are aware of the polarities within and we consciously balance them, then no conflict can exist.

It really matters very little where on the gradient between powerfully feminine and powerfully masculine anyone may find themselves, or parts of themselves. What really matters is that when we elevate our consciousness we create harmony with all the different and potentially polar notes within ourselves.

Your sensitivity to those who may need extra compassion, acceptance, delicacy and support is admirable and inspiring. Right now, in some places on the Earth, there is unimaginable cruelty towards those who differ from certain expectations of others. You bless yourself and those around you with your priceless kindness.

It is possible to share the technology of polarity in an undiluted manner by careful choice of language to specifically avoid placing values on anything other than awareness and tranquility of being. It is within the subtle positive or negative tones or historically charged words that offense is hidden and/or projected.

Teach only what you have deeply experienced yourself as the truth; the genuine warmth of your heart will take care of all the rest. Your kindness, caring and compassion will overshadow all other issues.

Thank you again for sharing your insights.

Sat Nam,

Sewa Singh

Please note that the information and opinions here are based on the experience of one person and any contradictions or omissions regarding the teachings of Yogi Bhajan are unintentional. Any diet, exercise and/or lifestyle information in this communication is a representation of yogic traditions and is not intended as a substitute for consulting a qualified health professional. This information is only for educational purposes and not for any person’s specific medical condition. Always check with your personal physician or licensed health care practitioner before making any significant modification in your lifestyle to insure that the lifestyle changes are appropriate for your personal health condition and consistent with any medication you may be taking. If you have unresolved emotional issues, consult with a qualified therapist. 3HO Foundation International and I are not responsible for any adverse effects or consequences for the use of any of the information presented in this communication. For more information about Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan®, please see www.3ho.org/kundalini-yoga andwww.kundaliniresearchinstitute.org

Sewa Singh Khalsa has been teaching Kundalini Yoga for over 40 years and has been providing counseling to couples and individuals based on Kundalini and White Tantric Yoga® technology for 35 years. He holds an MFA from the University of Washington and has taught at Eastern Washington University, Western Washington University and the University of Washington

NOTE FROM DR. STEPHANIE:

I did not think the use of the word transgender was used correctly in the above article so I looked it up (on Glaad’s website) and then sent this information to the author of the article. They write: “Transgender is an adjective and should never be used as a noun. Rather than saying “Max is a transgender,” say “Max is a transgender person.” And transgender never needs an “-ed” at the end.

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If I Have Gay Children: Four Promises From A Christian Pastor/Parent
John Pavlovitz

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll have gay children.

I’m not sure if other parents think about this, but I do; quite often.

Maybe it’s because I have many gay people in my family and circle of friends. It’s in my genes and in my tribe.
Maybe it’s because, as a pastor of students, I’ve seen and heard the horror stories of gay Christian kids, from both inside and outside of the closet, trying to be part of the Church.
Maybe it’s because, as a Christian, I interact with so many people who find homosexuality to be the most repulsive thing imaginable, and who make that abundantly clear at every conceivable opportunity.

For whatever reason, it’s something that I ponder frequently. As a pastor and a parent, I wanted to make some promises to you, and to my two kids right now…

1) If I have gay children, you’ll all know it.

My children won’t be our family’s best kept secret.

I won’t talk around them in conversations with others. I won’t speak in code or vague language. I won’t try to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes, and I won’t try to spare the feelings of those who may be older, or easily offended, or uncomfortable. Childhood is difficult enough, and most gay kids spend their entire existence being horribly, excruciatingly uncomfortable. I’m not going to put mine through any more unnecessary discomfort, just to make Thanksgiving dinner a little easier for a third cousin with misplaced anger issues.

If my children come out, we’ll be out as a family.

2) If I have gay children, I’ll pray for them.

I won’t pray for them to be made “normal”. I’ve lived long enough to know that if my children are gay, that is their normal.

I won’t pray that God will heal or change or fix them. I will pray for God to protect them; from the ignorance and hatred and violence that the world will throw at them, simply because of who they are. I’ll pray the He shields them from those who will despise them and wish them harm; who will curse them to Hell and put them through Hell, without ever knowing them at all. I’ll pray that they enjoy life; that they laugh, and dream, and feel, and forgive, and that they love God and humanity.

Above all, I’ll pray to God that my children won’t allow the unGodly treatment they might receive from some of His misguided children, to keep them from pursuing Him.

3) If I have gay children, I’ll love them.

I don’t mean some token, distant, tolerant love that stays at a safe arm’s length. It will be an extravagant, open-hearted, unapologetic, lavish, embarrassing-them-in-the-school cafeteria, kind of love.

I won’t love them despite their sexuality, and I won’t love them because of it. I will love them; simply because they’re sweet, and funny, and caring, and smart, and kind, and stubborn, and flawed, and original, and beautiful… and mine.

If my kids are gay, they may doubt a million things about themselves and about this world, but they’ll never doubt for a second whether or not their Daddy is over-the-moon crazy about them.

4) If I have gay children, most likely; I have gay children.

If my kids are going to be gay, well they pretty much already are.

God has already created them and wired them, and placed the seed of who they are within them. Psalm 139 says that He, “stitched them together in their mother’s womb”. The incredibly intricate stuff that makes them uniquely them; once-in-History souls, has already been uploaded into their very cells.

Because of that, there isn’t a coming deadline on their sexuality that their mother and I are working feverishly toward. I don’t believe there’s some magical expiration date approaching, by which time she and I need to somehow do, or say, or pray just the right things to get them to “turn straight”, or forever lose them to the other side.

They are today, simply a younger version of who they will be; and today they’re pretty darn great.

Many of you may be offended by all of this, I fully realize. I know this may be especially true if you are a religious person; one who finds the whole topic disgusting.

As you’ve been reading, you may have been rolling your eyes, or clicking the roof of your mouth, or drafting familiar Scriptures to send me, or praying for me to repent, or preparing to Unfriend me, or writing me off as a sinful, evil, Hell-bound heretic… but with as much gentleness and understanding as I can muster; I really couldn’t care less.

This isn’t about you. This is a whole lot bigger than you.

You’re not the one I waited on breathlessly for nine months.
You’re not the one I wept with joy for when you were born.
You’re not the one I bathed, and fed, and rocked to sleep through a hundred intimate, midnight snuggle sessions.

You’re not the one I taught to ride a bike, and whose scraped knee I kissed, and whose tiny, trembling hand I held, while getting stitches.
You’re not the one whose head I love to smell, and whose face lights-up when I come home at night, and whose laughter is like music to my weary soul.
You’re not the one who gives my days meaning and purpose, and who I adore more than I ever thought I could adore anything.

And you’re not the one who I’ll hopefully be with, when I take my last precious breaths on this planet; gratefully looking back on a lifetime of shared treasures, and resting in the knowledge that I loved you well.

If you’re a parent, I don’t know how you’ll respond if you find out your children are gay, but I pray you consider it.

One day, despite your perceptions of your kids or how you’ve parented, you may need to respond in real-time, to a frightened, frantic, hurting child; one whose sense of peace, and identity, and acceptance; whose very heart, may be placed in your hands in a way you never imagined… and you’ll need to respond.

If that day should ever come for me; if my children should ever come out to me, this is the Dad I hope I’ll be to them.

* Note: The word “gay” in this post, refers to anyone who identifies themselves as LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, or Questioning) . Though I certainly realize and respect the distinctions and differences, it was simply the word that would quickly and easily communicate within the context of the piece. It was the clearest and best way to address non-hetereosexual individuals in the post, by using a common tern that would resonate with the average reader. Hopefully my heart for the LGBTQ community is still clear in the writing.

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What Meditation Can Teach You About Sexual Desire
Morgan Dix

Do you think about sex? A lot?

I do. But I used to think about it a lot more. And it used to torment me. Maybe you can relate?

I think it’s safe to say, like 98% of men on earth, sex consumed a lot of my awareness. (I can’t speak for women, but my female friends tell me it’s not an exclusively male experience.)

But meditation showed me something incredible about sexual desire. It changed my relationship to both sex and meditation…for the better. And I think the insight I’m about to share with you applies to both men and women.

How Our Culture Fans The Flames Of Sexual Desire

These days, it’s hard not to be influenced by the sexual impulse. Images of women—and to a lesser extent, men—dressed in provocative clothing, or not dressed at all, cross our visual field all the time. You see it on the Internet, billboards, magazine covers, and on the rich palette of our imaginations.

And we live in a culture that trains our attention on the surface of things. We are barraged with images of beautiful people wearing less and less. These images are carefully designed to provoke our desire.

As if this weren’t enough, add to this cultural allure the stubborn fact that you are programmed to procreate. You are hardwired with a biological drive designed to override your rational faculties so you can act NOW!

The truth is, our culture and our biology compel us to think about sex all the time. And I have observed these forces are working at very deep levels. Mostly, we aren’t conscious of it.

Why Is Sexual Desire So Overwhelming?

And please don’t misunderstand me. I think there is nothing inherently wrong with sex. Having a comfortable, creative, and healthy relationship to sex is important and fulfilling for me.

But that doesn’t change the fact that sexual desire holds enormous sway over our awareness. It can cause anxiety, stress, and insecurity. It can be distracting and lead to a loss of focus. Or worse, it can lead you to negative and undermining conclusions about your self.

So it helps to have perspective on this powerful drive. Remember, this impulse gave birth to life, planets, and stars. The creation of life appears to be the driving force of the cosmos. Technically, sexual desire is the awakening of that same imperative in our bodies and minds.

That helps to explain why sexual desire is so overwhelming.

How Sexual Desire Works Inside Your Mind

If you’re like me, you might appreciate learning how to step back and understand how this force works inside your own mind. That’s where meditation can really help.

For me, meditation helped me to see how programmed I was by the procreative impulse. I realized that my mind would warp and contract in response to the onset of sexual desire. And my motives would morph to align with the motives of creation.

Most importantly, I didn’t know it was happening. Sure, I knew I was feeling frisky, but I didn’t realize that I was suffering and responding to the mandate of that impulse in often-subtle ways. But when I did realize it, everything changed.

No, I didn’t become sex negative. But I realized there are drives within us that we unconsciously respond to all the time. The sexual impulse is one of them.

When you wake up to that fact, it’s empowering. You feel liberated and you didn’t even know you were captive. Suddenly you are filled with space, perspective, and insight. That always happens when you see through conditioned patterns in your awareness.

So why and how does this happen? And how does meditation help?

Meditation Frees Your Awareness

Meditation means having no relationship to anything in your mind. In the face of everything arising in your awareness, you do nothing. You sit very still, relax, and pay attention. Eventually, you observe that some thoughts grip your attention more than others. Why is that?

It’s because some thoughts reflect our core fears and desires. Those thoughts have the most powerful sway over our attention. And frankly, the source of those fears and desires is not always clear.

For example, we all desire sex. It’s natural. And when the thought of a person you desire, or a sexual fantasy arises in your mind while you’re sitting still and quiet, it grabs your attention. You’ll notice that those thoughts are harder to let go. And, just like the terminator, they tend to come back again and again.

But meditation is the grand equalizer. It helps you to see that sexual desire is like any other object in your awareness. If you are steadfast, you can let go of it again and again. And every thought and every desire becomes equal in your resolve to let it go.

If your intention is strong and you gently return to the posture of meditation, those terminator thoughts start to become transparent.You recognize they are animated by a deep and universal motive to fulfill that procreative impulse. And with practice, they eventually lose their grip.

Meditation And Your Perspective On Sexual Desire

That’s how meditation can give you such a useful and objective perspective on sexual desire. Letting go of your deeper fears and desires always frees your awareness.And the more you do it, the more you will see how sexual desire moves and operates in your own awareness on a daily basis.

So meditation helps you stay cool when you start to get hot. It provides clarity and space when your body and mind are winding you up and ringing the 4-alarm fire of sexual desire. In the end, it will give you perspective and help you make better choices.

And if you’re at all like me, you may also discover the vast ocean of silence and stillness that beckons on the other side of desire.

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40 Things I’ll Teach My Kids About Sex.
Lyla CiceroVia Lyla Ciceroon Apr 24, 2013

Rather than a “Sex Talk,” I want to talk to my kids early and often about relationship structures, sex and pleasure, kink, varying perspective on safe sex and sexual fluidity.

Here’s a list of things I’ll be sure to cover:

1. Monogamy is just one way of doing things, it’s not inherently better or healthier. Make sure you make a choice about how to structure your relationships instead of defaulting to heteronormativity or compulsory monogamy.

2. Gay and straight are over-simplified terms. Most people are somewhere in between, orientation can change—and some folks don’t even identify as male or female.

3. It’s okay to have casual sex if you feel clear and comfortable about wanting to. If you make a mistake, you will just learn from it.

4. Slut shaming is never okay, whether coming from you, or directed toward you. There is nothing inherently wrong with having sex, enjoying sex, talking about sex, etc.

5. No sex should be emotionally damaging.

6. Consent is the one thing you must have in any intimate encounter. There is no gray area here—and it is never too late to say no.

7. Consent is more than the absence of a “no.” Consent means everyone involved is clearheaded enough to make a choice, obviously comfortable and wanting to move forward. Consent is actively saying yes, either with words or actions.

8. Spend a lot of time thinking about and experimenting with your attraction to people of different genders. Don’t feel the need to “pick a camp” and stick with it. Sexual orientation is fluid and hard to determine in a culture that views it so dichotomously.

9. Kink can add a whole other dimension to sexual experience and may be something you want to try.

10. The Kink motto “safe, sane, and consensual” really applies to all sex.

11. Kink/BDSM are normal, healthy modes of sexual and erotic expression.

12. Sex should never hurt unless pain is a specific goal and purposeful. Don’t let anyone tell you pain is necessary to endure to have sex, the first time—or any time.

13. When penetration is part of a sexual encounter, foreplay should be varied and last until both people are certain they are ready for penetration.

14. Lubrication is only the beginning of arousal in females, and not a sign of readiness for vaginal penetration.

15. In general, you should be getting oral sex if you are giving it, unless you truly prefer not to. Sex should be reciprocal.

16. Penetration is only one of many, many ways to have sex and you can still have great sex without it.

17. Pulling out is a very bad birth control method.

18. Condoms are also a pretty bad birth control method.

19. Hormonal birth control can fuck you up in a lot of ways doctors won’t tell you about.

20. Prior to vaginal or anal penetration, practice on yourself first. Use astroglide or another water-based lubricant, start with small dildos and work up to larger.

21. Learn to make yourself come so you know what you like before being with a partner.

22. Masturbation is normal, healthy, fun, relaxing, and something you can do both within and outside the context of a variety of types of relationships, both with and without partners present.

23. Partners cannot read your mind, you will need to tell them what you like and don’t like, and they will need to tell you.

24. There is nothing wrong with looking at porn. I encourage you to encounter a variety of erotic material, including mainstream porn, feminist and other porn, erotic writing and your own written and imagined fantasies.

25. When you do look at porn, understand the vast majority is very unrealistic on many levels, and getting too used to getting aroused from porn can have negative consequences for partnered sex. All things in moderation.

26. Fantasies are never wrong no matter the content, including about someone other than the person you are with, and yes, even during sex.

27. Sex with more than one person at a time can be fun and something you might want to try. Safer sex practices are of utmost importance here.

28. Anal play can be pleasurable for both men and women, gay and straight.

29. Taking on roles you wouldn’t in other contexts, like being dominated or dominating can be fun and shouldn’t be seen as un-feminist or unhealthy if consensual.

30. Safer sex can be fun and sexy. Creativity is key.

31. You should feel completely at ease asking a partner to get STI tested before sex,but remember, unless they are monogamous with you, their status will go back to unknown right after that test.

32. There is no 100% safe sex. Preventing fluid exchange is the safest way to play.

33. There are some STI’s like HPV that there is little way to protect from and no test for (in men). Having said that, there are financial interests invested in making us more frightened about HPV than may be necessary. Always evaluate medical information from all sides. You will need to decide if you will view HPV as a normally occurring virus to live with or something you want to avoid.

34. Don’t let anyone tell you you can age out of your sex life, but realize your sexual experiences will change during different life stages.

35. Before having penetrative sex with an opposite sex partner, be sure you have thought through the consequences of pregnancy and are prepared to address pregnancy if it should occur, even if you are using lots of birth control.

36. No birth control method is 100%. A 1-2% failure rate is very high. You have no idea how easy it is to be one in one hundred.

37. Having multiple sexual partners can be fulfilling, empowering, fun, help you learn about yourselves and what you like, and sustain you if you ever end up attempting to maintain a monogamous, long-term relationship.

38. Try lots of sex toys, but wash frequently and share with caution.

39. Sexual exploration with roleplay, sensation play, toys, additional partners, etc., can be good ways to keep sexual excitement in a long-term relationship, but require good, honest communication. Sex will feel different and take more work after the limerence “honeymoon” phase of a relationship.

40. In general, if you aren’t comfortable talking about it, you shouldn’t be comfortable doing it. Great sex requires great communication.

Ed: Bryonie Wise

Source: 30.media.tumblr.com via Kathy on Pinterest

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Here’s What a 100-Year-Old Sex Therapist Thinks is Wrong With Sex Today

She says our hectic work lives are killing our sex lives

http://time.com/3144566/heres-what-a-100-year-old-sex-therapist-thinks-is-wrong-with-sex-today/

She was born before the invention of the stop sign, but sex therapist Shirley Zussman has some thoughts on ‘hooking up.’ “I don’t think it’s as frantic as casual sex was in the sixties,” she says, noting that modern ‘hooking up’ isn’t as exciting without the context of a sexual revolution. Besides, she adds: “In the long run, sexual pleasure is just one part of what men and women want from each other.”

At 100, Dr. Zussman is still a practicing sex therapist in New York City. In the 50-plus years since she began counseling people about all things related to sex, Dr. Zussman has witnessed everything from the legalization of the contraceptive birth control pill in 1960 (she started in sex therapy shortly afterwards) to the AIDs epidemic in the 1980s to the rise of internet porn in the new millennium.

She’s one of the oldest sex therapists in the world, but that might be the least extraordinary thing about her life and career. Born at the beginning of World War I, she graduated from Smith college in 1934, in the same class as Julia Child. Zussman was mentored through her graduate dissertation by Margaret Mead, and in the 1960s learned about sex therapy from Masters and Johnson, the inspiration for the Showtime series Masters of Sex. Her husband, a gynecologist, performed one of the first legal abortions in New York.

Here’s what she has to say about casual sex, cell phones, and how our hectic work lives are changing our attitudes toward sex.

On how being busy hurts your sex life:

“The use of time is very different in our society today. People are busy all the time. That was not true when I was growing up. At this stage of our development, we want to cover everything, we want to know everything, we want to do everything, and there’s also [our personal] economy which requires an immense amount of time and effort…There is a limit to how much energy and desire and time you can give to one person when there is all this pressure make more money, to be the CEO, to buy a summer house, people want more and more and more. Desire requires a certain amount of energy.

It’s a consequence of being exhausted…The most common problem I see is a lack of desire, a lack of interest. I had a patient say to me, ‘ I love my husband, I love making love to him, but I come home from work, I’ve been with people all day, I just want to crash.’”

On an increased openness about sex:

“I don’t think that the stigma around sex therapy exists like it was in the early years. People were ashamed they had to go to a psychiatrist or a social worker, because it means they needed help. Many people resist the idea that somebody needs to tell them how to have sex.”

“There were changes in the culture, too, there was the sexual revolution. There was the development of the pill, women were freer to let not worry so much about getting pregnant, there was every magazine and TV program talking about sex, there was every advertisement using sex to sell their product. There was an overwhelming immersion in the whole idea of getting more pleasure out of sex. It was not just about having babies.”

On what she learned from Masters and Johnson:

“They were recognizing that it was not all just glamorous and wonderful to be sexual, but that one almost had to learn to be a good partner…Their way of communicating was one of their greatest contributions, and that was not to talk so much about it, but to start with touching and caressing and stroking and kissing, and not rush for that golden bell in the middle of the carousel. It doesn’t start with the man having an erection and then you have intercourse, 1,2,3.”

And what she thinks of the TV show:

“I went to the preview party and met some of the actors in it. I was introduced to Michael Sheen, and he knew that I had known Masters and Johnson, so he said ‘tell me, how do you think I’m representing him?’ I said, ‘I think youre doing a pretty good job, but there’s a major difference.’ He said, ‘whats that?’ I said, ‘you’re handsome.’”

On her weirdest experience in 50 years of sex therapy:

“Someone called me and said he needed some help. He said ‘I’m a bad boy and I’m looking for someone for spankings.’ I had to make it clear that that’s not within my range of expertise.”

On the difference between casual sex in the 60s and ‘hooking up’ today:

“I think there’s a big change in the way we view casual sex. In the 60s it wasn’t just casual—it was frantic. It was something you expected to happen to you, you wanted it to happen, it was sort of a mad pursuit of sexual pleasure. But I think over time the disadvantages of that kind of behavior began to become apparent. There was the emotional crash– the intimacy was not there in the way that people need and want. There was a concern about sexual diseases, and then eventually AIDS made a major impact on calming that excitement.”

I think what was expected of casual sex – frantic sex– was something that didn’t deliver. Because in the long run, sexual pleasure is just one part of what men and women want from each other. They want intimacy, they want closeness, they want understanding, they want fun, and they want someone who really cares about them beyond just going to bed with them.”

I think hooking up includes some aspect of the kind of sex we were just talking about, but in a very much modified, and limited way. It’s not as frantic.”

On the popularity of oral sex:

“Oral sex was always part of the picture. I think primitive people learned how to get pleasure from oral sex, we just didn’t know about it. Oral sex was never talked about in your mother’s generation or my mother’s generation or my generation in the early days.”

On internet pornography:

“There’s nothing new about pornography. It’s been around since prehistoric days…I think that’s a healthy thing that people have the ability and the freedom to allow themselves to fantasize. But I have a number of patients who sit in front of the computer and watch pornography online, and somehow lose interest in seeking a partner. I see that a lot in some single men who don’t make the effort to go out in the world to face the issues, face the possible rejection—they satisfy their sexual needs sitting in front of the computer and masturbating.”

On living to be 100:

“We’ve been brainwashed to think that we all become couch potatoes when we’re old. You have to have expectations of yourself! You can make friends in many different ways, but you have to make the effort. You can’t say ‘oh , all my friends died,’ or ‘they’re sick,’ or ‘they don’t want to do what I want to do.’ You have to make an effort to find those new people. They don’t just come running to your door the way they might have when you were growing up.”

On the evils of cell phones:

“I’m shocked at the lack of connection between people because of iPhones. There is so much less of actual physical connection. There’s less touching, there’s less talking, there’s less holding, there’s less looking. People get pleasure from looking at each other. From a smile, and touching. We need touching to make us feel wanted and loved. That’s lacking so much in this generation. Lack of looking, lack of touching, lack of smiling. I don’t get it. I don’t get how people aren’t missing that, and don’t seem to think they are.”

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NEWS STORY
IASHS: A Virtual ‘Harvard’ for a New Breed of Sex Educator?
XBIZ Research
By Bob JohnsonIMG_4187

Friday, LOS ANGELES — Adult movie legend Annie Sprinkle was the first to receive one in 2002. More recently, classic stars Candida Royalle, Jane Hamilton (aka Veronica Hart) and Veronica Vera also joined the ranks of adult industry luminaries who’ve received advanced degrees in human sexuality. Even the late High Society magazine publisher and star Gloria Leonard was posthumously honored with a Ph.D from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS) in San Francisco.
With the field of sexual heath and wellness growing rapidly, the broader acceptance of pleasure products and sex novelties gaining momentum every day, coupled with the continued acceptance of adult sexuality and porn by the mainstream, it’s no surprise that those on the front lines of sexuality should be leading the charge.
Advice-hungry consumers, or just regular porn hounds that seek a new titillation have created a growing market for myriad sex experts to provide them with consultation, books, videos and online coaching.
And like any field of education, people usually seek the experts with credentials.
Enter IASHS. Founded in 1976 by Rev. Dr. Ted McIlvenna, the IASHS says it’s the first institute of higher education to award five advanced degrees in the field of sexology for those seeking a professional career in the field. The virtual “Harvard” of hands-on sexual experience and information, the organization was even born out of a program that began at the University of California Medical School, McIlvenna tells XBIZ, but was considered too racy for doctors because it provided graphic learning materials (read art).
Although the Institute also boasts that its first dean was Wardell B. Pomeroy, a colleague of sexuality pioneer Alfred Kinsey, and is fully approved by the State of California Bureau for Private Postsecondary Education, it poses a curious question as to whether the school can stand alongside graduate programs from traditional universities that live and die on national accreditation.
But as McIlvenna points out, the Institute has applied and/or has been contacted by a number of “official” state accrediting bodies over the years. But what makes it particularly unique and valuable is that it refuses to accept federal grant money — a core requirement for any school of higher learning to be “accredited.”
“We don’t take federal money and that’s why we won’t be accredited by the traditional state agencies. We don’t want to be handcuffed as to what we can provide, say and do. We’ve been approached by accrediting bodies run by Mormons and Roman Catholics that wanted us to change our code of ethics to promote contraception and change our name to reflect ‘family and marriage counseling’ instead of sexuality. We won’t do it,” McIlvenna says.
The IASHS director recalls that the Catholic agency even refused to meet in the Institute’s building because it had erotic art on the walls.
Regardless of its academic accreditation, the fact is that IASHS students need to work — hard — to earn their degrees. And there’s a serious financial commitment. Advanced academic and professional degree programs require two-to-five trimesters that among other requirements include reviewing the Wardell B. Pomeroy lecture series, mastering 24 required and elective courses that run the gamut including basic human sexuality, clinical sexology, analysis of the Kinsey reports and many more, along with the completion of a basic research project and the presentation of a dissertation demonstrating analytical treatment and the original and independent investigation of a subject in the field of sexology.
Those not interested in such heavy academic programs can also get certificates in sexology, erotology, AIDS prevention, and even sexological hypnosis among others.
The IASHS gives students access to 18 specialty libraries composed of more than 300,000 books, 350,000 magazines, pamphlets and journals, 100,000 videos, 300,000 films, and more than 1 million photographs, slides and illustrations.
And a student video library offers the student access to lectures and seminars from 1978 forward with extensive collections of erotica, sex pattern films and historical TV broadcasts dealing with topics of human sexuality. It’s also the policy of the Institute to provide a selected library of material for each matriculated student so that they may have their own library of materials.
McIlvenna notes that out of his 395 graduates, 25 percent are in professional practice, another 25 percent consult or teach, and about 24 percent consult to governments around the world in research programs and as aids to sexually repressed countries.
The IASHS has graduates in China, South Africa and Warsaw, Poland. Nearly 9,000 people in China have been helped in a sexual empowerment program for women in China [with the help of Hamilton aka Hart]; in Warsaw, a gender rights movement is underway spearheaded by the IASHS; and in South Africa a troop of porn star graduates are changing the face of the country by counseling women on the horror of female genital mutilation.
So will the IASHS continue to supply newly trained professionals to the burgeoning sexual wellness field? And is the adult industry fertile ground for this new breed of sex-savvy educators?
McIlvenna believes it will and says that a lot of traditionally trained people who claim to be sex experts simply aren’t. He explains that many of those in the psychology profession have taken a course on sexuality and that’s it. “They are the real charlatans. Ultimately sexuality belongs to our experiences and ourselves. How can anyone tell someone how, and what to do if they haven’t experienced it?”
Many of the IASHS graduates come out of the sex industry and that’s what makes them head and shoulders more effective in what they do. McIlvenna notes that 90 percent of sexual problems result from negative attitudes, either from cultural or religious indoctrination. Those who are in the sex industry have had exposure to nearly all of these problems and they can relate and offer guidance. “These folks aren’t frightened by sex. That’s what makes them so much better at what they do,” McIlvenna says.
The educator also notes that women are particularly in need of sexual guidance as nearly 40 percent are not receiving pleasure and are “non-orgasmic.” He says women are often told that it will be all right after they’re married. “They’re getting bad-tripped,” McIlvenna says, “They don’t get creative in an effort to get a better sex life. Doctors and therapists don’t want to talk to women about getting a vibrator.”
But IASHS grads do. Especially women. McIlvenna notes that three out of four of his students are women and are effective with other women because those seekng help feel they won’t be “hit on” by a man in counseling.
In fact, of his 63 sex/adult industry graduates, none are men. But McIlvenna wants that to change and says he’s actively recruiting for male industry professionals who can demonstrate that they have the experience and the chops to earn a degree. He wants his graduates to know sexuality first-hand.
McIlvenna strives for his graduates to be “legitimized” first as experienced in the field of sexuality — whether it is mainstream, a performer or someone involved in other aspects of adult — and then with credentials. Some notable alumni include mainstream sexperts Dr. Emily of “Sex With Emily” fame, and Dr. Sadie Allison, author of the Tickle Kitty books, who are both graduates of IASHS.
The Institute’s director also points to IASHS graduate Dr. Amanda Morgan, a professor of sexuality at the University of Las Vegas Nevada (UNLV) who also contributes to the sex industry, along with prominent porn stars as examples of students who exemplify what his school is all about.
“We don’t want our graduates simply to be academic bean counters,” McIlvenna says.
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What Happens to Your Body on an Isagenix Cleanse Day
December 4, 2015

Isagenix Cleanse Days have health benefits beyond weight loss.
Have you wondered what happens to your body on an Isagenix Cleanse Day? While researchers commonly use the term “intermittent fasting” to describe the basic concept, an Isagenix Cleanse Day is a nutritionally supported fast that will help you feel nourished and energized, instead of deprived or run-down. No, there are no laxatives or diuretics involved.

Cleanse Days are an important part of the Isagenix System and are a powerful tool in helping you to reach or maintain a healthy weight. While there is significant scientific evidence supporting the use of Cleanse Days for aiding weight loss, there are more potential health benefits from Cleanse Days beyond supporting a healthy weight(1).
Here are four positive things that go on inside your body during a Cleanse Day:

1. You improve insulin sensitivity.
Regularly practicing Cleanse Days can help to tune up your metabolism. During a Cleanse Day, the body becomes more sensitive to the action of insulin, which is essential for maintaining normal blood sugar levels (1, 2).
2. You not only burn more fat, but burn the worst kind of fat.
When you are fasting, the body mobilizes stored energy in the form of body fat. If burning fat wasn’t enough of a reason to do regular Cleanse Days, then consider that as part of an Isagenix System, Cleanse Days are shown to go further by helping reduce visceral fat (3). Visceral fat is the type of fat that surrounds internal organs and has been strongly associated with poor health.
3. You rev up your body’s cellular cleansing system.
By eating frequently, you provide your body with a steady flow of nutrients and energy. This
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environment of abundance keeps your cells in continuous “growth mode.” On a Cleanse Day, you allow your body to rest and permit your own natural cleansing and rejuvenation processes to occur. Nutritional cleansing activates several systems in your cells that break down old cellular components into their basic building blocks to recycle them into new components—a process known as autophagy (4). Autophagy goes to work on a Cleanse Day by cleaning up worn-out parts within your cells.
See: Choose Your Way to Cleanse with Cleanse for Life
4. You nourish your body with cleansing, health-supporting nutrients.
Cleansing with Isagenix is a unique way to practice nutritionally supported fasting. Depending on which method you chose, an Isagenix Cleanse Day involves abstaining from virtually all food for one or two days. In place of food, you drink Cleanse for Life®, a phytonutrient-rich botanical beverage designed to nourish and support your body’s natural detoxification systems, along with Cleanse Day tools such as Isagenix SnacksTM, IsaDelights®, e+TM, or Ionix® Supreme to satisfy cravings and boost energy. Finally, you must also consume plenty of water to help maximize your Cleanse Day experience!
Many beneficial things happen to your body during an Isagenix Cleanse Day. By regularly practicing Cleanse Days, you can tune up your metabolism, burn more fat, and allow your body’s own cellular cleansing and rejuvenation systems to work at their peak. Whether your goal is to lose weight or you are just interested in doing something good for yourself, Isagenix Cleanse Days can have benefits for you.
References
1. Varady KA, Hellerstein MK. Alternate-day fasting and chronic disease prevention: a review of human and animal trials. Am J Clin Nutr. 2007 Jul;86(1):7-13.
2. Halberg N, Henriksen M, Söderhamn N, Stallknecht B, Ploug T, Schjerling P, Dela F. Effect of intermittent fasting and refeeding on insulin action in healthy men. J Appl Physiol. 2005 Dec;99(6):2128-36.
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3. Klempel MC, Kroeger CM, Bhutani S, Trepanowski JF, Varady KA. Intermittent fasting combined with calorie restriction is effective for weight loss and cardio-protection in obese women. Nutr J. 2012 Nov 21;11:98.
4. Bergamini E, Cavallini G, Donati A, Gori Z. The role of autophagy in aging: its essential part in the anti-aging mechanism of caloric restriction. Ann NY Acad Sci. 2007 Oct;1114:69-78.
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